Posts Tagged ‘life’

One Hour To Live

Posted: January 11, 2011 in Uncategorized
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So…I was just told that in exactly one hour (after this blog is submitted) I will faint and die. That’s it. Not tragically, painfully, or dramatically, just faint and never wake up.

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What am I going to do with this last hour of my life, you ask?

Well that’s what I’m here to tell you, Grasshopper!

First of all, I would take advantage of my blogging time and write about what I really think of some people, but would ruin relationships to tell them. Also, I would leave a Facebook message saying the same blahbity blah that I will say to my family in the next step, to all 156 of my only true friends! If you aren’t on Facebook or not a friend of mine on Facebook, consider yourself unfriended.

Secondly, I’d tell my family I love them and what not, and to save their sorrow for souls in doubt, cuz I’ll be in paradise 🙂 (Which is why I’m not gonna worry or freak, I’m at peace about this. I just want to enjoy my last few…hour)

“Save sorrow for the souls in doubt”

Thirdly, I would drive to a certain girl’s house, (hopefully she’s home…) Kiss her, tell her how I really feel and that I’m sorry I didn’t take a chance when I should have. This would take up probably a good 20 minutes of my hour, but I’ve been dying (Ironic?) to do this.

Now, about 35-40 minutes left.

Now that I’ve taken care of all the friends and family closure business, on to the funnest half hour of my life.

I would drive down I-275 as fast as my little Grand Prix will take me! I’ll go to the airport, (traffic doesn’t slow me down at this point in my life) I’d run to the nearest plane, jump in the cockpit, and take off! There’s no point in being scared, I’m dying either way.

I’m taking this plane to space.

I would fly straight up as fast as possible until I finally leave Earth’s gravitational pull. Now, I wait. All I can do is float away into space for the last 10 minutes of my life and hope I see something awesome, which impossible not to see in space. I’ll enjoy the view until the rest of my hour is up, after which I can see it anytime I want. 🙂

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Well, the first half is true. The second half is what I would want to do.  The most important thing would be getting things off my chest that have been taking up space there for so long. And I just can’t get over how amazing space is.

What would you do with an hour to live?

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Someone once told me, well, actually, she’s told me this alot…You can’t live anybody else’s eternity for them.

At First I didn’t really get it, like, it sounded right, and it sounded profound, but I didn’t really get it.

Now I get it.

I am the only one who can live my eternity. I am the only one who can choose my actions, and I’m the one who has to live with the repercussions. Even if they affect other people, it’s my fault, and I have to deal with it.

But what this is really getting at is the actions of others. Actions that might affect us, or actions that we know will affect someone we care about. But no one can live anybody else’s eternity. I can’t make other people make the right choices and I can’t make the results of those choices go away. Even if someone I care about is choosing to do something that will ruin their life, and it will kill me to see that happen, I can’t live their eternity for them. It’s their decision, they chose it.

I can’t make my family and friends stop smoking, or other substances that harm them. I can’t make everyone go to heaven. And even though it will kill me to see what cigarettes or hell will do these people, it was what they chose.

I think this is what people forget when they ask why God would let people go to hell, too. God is letting you live your own eternity. If you choose not to love God, why would you want to spend eternity with him? He loves you enough to give you the choice to spend eternity with him, or away from him. You have two options. Free will. And even though God knows choosing him would be for our benefit, he lets us choose what we want. He wants us to love him because we choose to, not because we are robots that are programmed or told to. That’s why he gave us free will, and that’s why we have a place to go other than heaven after we die. We sinned, we chose to go there, but he gives us the choice to spend eternity with him anyway.

But it’s still our choice, and our eternity. And no one, not even God, can live it for us.

Day 17: Highs and lows of 2010

2010 was a lot better than the 2 years before it. I finally broke free of my depressed, anti-social rut and reconnected with friends, church, and God. I had a relationship again, albeit not under the best circumstances, but nonetheless, I started going to church again and making friends there, I started reading every day, I started working out, my grades are better,  I set goals, I achieved most of them, the Reds made the playoffs, I got my driver’s license, a lot of good things happened.

A lot of crap happened too, of course!

Hospital visits, quite a few of them, break-ups, okay, break-up, fights, you know, average stuff.

But the biggest events were probably getting reconnected with my church and God, and getting my license.

I’ve been so much happier since I started going to church again, making some friends, expanding my comfort zone. I finally got out of that Godless, friendless, self-confidenceless rut I’ve been in for so long and I feel great about it.

Also now that I’m reading and writing every day, my mind feels vitalized, and I grow in my faith so much more, since most of it Christian stuff. And writing is a great stress reliever.

Also a huge impact on my life has been working out! I started in the summer, got more serious in the fall, and have a whole plan for the next 2 years with goals and a routine. I will finish that marathon! I found when you write goals down, they just magically happen. It’s true. Try it.

Anyways, I’m looking forward to 2011. 2010 was like a  stepping stone, it showed me I’m not worthless, and I can do anything I set my mind to. I also learned God really has big plans for me, and I cannot wait to figure out what they are and fulfill them in 2011 and beyond. 🙂

Day 9 11/5/10

Posted: November 5, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Day 9: How you hope your future will be like

I want my future to be filled with happiness, promise, and opportunity. I don’t know specifically where I want to live or what I want my wife to look like or how many kids I want, I just want to be content with what I’ve made myself and the decisions I’ve made. I kind of want to travel, at least a little bit. I want to see stuff outside of Ohio, and live somewhere warmer, I know that. I want a steady job, and uh, I don’t know, I just want to be close to God and other people. I don’t have much to say on this subject…Sorry.

Day 8: A Time I Felt Most Satisfied With My Life

I don’t know if there was any specific moment that I can recall, but after thinking about it I think it was when I went to Grace Church. I was so involved, I had friends, and I was close to God. Breakout was probably the most helpful and fun thing I’ve ever been a part of. Just getting together and talking about God, growing in our faith together, helping the church and the community in the process. All those times after Breakout too, playing Mario Kart and football and all that, it just felt right.

I don’t know if it’s good or bad that I was most satisfied with life in 4th grade. Probably both. Good because everyone should have a good childhood and get an early relationship with God going. But bad because we should be growing in that relationship and other relationships every day. But that’s the only time I can think of. Life was simple and fun with those people in that environment. I’m glad I still talk to them and see them when I visit though. I miss that church…But I’m working on getting involved in my new church and making new friends. I want that back.

Day 5 1/11/10

Posted: November 1, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Day 5: A Time You’ve Thought About Ending Your Life

I’ve thought about it before, yes. Not very seriously, but it crosses the mind during tough times. During my freshman and sophomore years I was pretty depressed. Sorta heartbroken, lonely, getting bad grades, just crappy stuff. I always felt like no one wanted to be friends with me and everyone just used excuse after excuse to avoid me. I fought with my family, school was hard. I just wondered if it would be better to just disappear. I eventually got over it though. Figured out I wasn’t worthless, people didn’t just hate me for no reason.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did though. Just for fun, curiosity. Like, what would people’s reactions be? What would change about how many people’s lives? Who would be at my funeral and what would be said? What if I left a suicide note? Who would find it? I would definitely put something funny in it. Dare you to laugh! Maybe I’d make a video. Some of us were joking last night, that this my junior is really the best year of my life. So might as well end it before senior year and leave a video.

“Hello, if you’re watching this I probably just killed myself. But don’t worry, I’m very happy about this. I’ve evaluated everything my life could become and realized this is the best option!”

“Well, that was my first failed attempt. I’m gonna try again in a few minutes though! 😀 Just keep at it, I always say! Persistence!”

But seriously, suicide is never a good decision. There really is a lot to live for, and you never know what you have the potential to make your life become. Not to mention to help other people in this life. We’re here for a reason, and suicide is not it. Death will come, it will, but enjoy your life before it does. Our life is no longer than the line on our hand. A blip on the timeline of the universe. Make the most of it.